Some Mornings ~

 

There are just some mornings, afternoons, and evenings that I'm just not sure if I should have become a mom.  At least maybe not to 2 kids but only 1.  My patience wears so thin, so quickly.  I think that has to do with an exboyfriend 'F'.  I had all the patience in the world.  Even after a divorce from 'J',  but then came along F and he was insecure, possessive and wanted to control everything that we did or I did.  He was verbally and physically abusive.  Till one day I had had enough of the constant fighting and arguing with him about the most trivial of things.  And after 9 months of it, I kicked him out of my apartment.  But since F, my patience and anger level has risen.  I've been able to control it IMMENSELY cuz of the kids, but some days I have to walk away or heaven help me I'll regret anything I say or do.  And believe me, I HAVE walked away and closed the door and caught my breath to recover before facing the kids again and whatever situation that made me run to begin with.

 

I was able to sleep in a little bit this morning, which is a miracle in it's self. It's been weeks since I've been able to sleep late on the weekends.  Mark has been the one to sleep in, mainly because he doesn't move when the boys wake in the morning and start their crying or roaming, so I get up and tend to them.   Glen greeted me in bed by climbing in and making himself comfy on Mark's side of the bed.  Now mind you, this is a treat for him, because our bedroom is off limits for the most part.  And him laying down in our bed is not a common occurrence.  I think it's only been when we've both been in there folding laundry, changing a diaper on one of the boys, or just tickling them while getting them a change of clothes (their clothes are in the master bedroom, mainly cuz we only have one bedroom.)  The boys actually sleep in their crib and cradle in the living room area.  Anyway,  Glen and I were laughing about how he laid down and covered himself with his dad's blanket and was looking at me smiling and it made me laugh.  So the morning started out good.  But I think he's just spoiled rotten.  I gave him his banana oatmeal, and he sat at the table and ate nicely.  If you call wearing some of your food nicely.  Well after a while I thought to myself, you dope you shoulda put a bib on him.  So I went and got one.  He wore it for about 5 minutes then wanted it off.. he was yelling and holding his spoon with oatmeal on it upside down, food getting all over the table. So I took it off of him, and he was fine.  Till I walked away with it.  Then he started to cry again. I told him I needed to clean it off (plastic bib), so I did clean it and he gave me a particular yell that was meant as a scold rather than one as a want.  So I got mad and walked away with the bib and put it in the bathroom to dry.  I thought it was out of his reach.  But Mr.. Terrible Two's opened the bathroom door and walked right in and got the bib, then sat down at the table and finished his oatmeal.  I was mad, but didn't react to him.  I simply got out the safety items that I had been holding off using and opened the package for the door knob covers and put a cover on the door knob.  I had hoped to avoid doing this because when I need to go to the bathroom I didn't want to have to fight with the door knob cover.  But the time has come.  I didn't mind it when he would come in and out of the bathroom while I was in it, but now that he's done it in defiance to me.  He loses that ability to open and close as he pleases.

 

I was trying to clean up the living room a bit and maybe sort through the toys to figure out what he doesn't play with, what needs to be trashed and what can be given away.  But Connor went on a tirade and needed attention and help getting to sleep.  So that's where I ended up.  Glen is now eating his iced oatmeal cookie snack (2 cookies) and some milk.  At noon he'll get his lunch and then God willing he'll take his nap and I can have peace for about 5 minutes.  By the time Glen goes down, Connor will be up and I'll be starting over with the little one.

 

I guess I'm doing ok really and shouldn't worry about wondering if I should have or shouldn't have become a Mom.  I love them like crazy, and God help anyone that hurts them.  

 

Just sometimes... Bang Zoom to the Moon!